JULY NEWSLETTER 2009

Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Talk Newsletter
July 2009 Volume 8, Issue 97
A monthly newsletter for straight women and gay men in or out of marriages to each other

Please visit my website to view and purchases my books at www.BonnieKayeBooks.com. Your sales help support the website and monthly newsletter.

IN RESPONSE TO THE FATHER’S DAY JUNE ISSUE

Last month, I published my first newsletter featuring letters only from some of our gay men who support our efforts. I asked them to contribute insight that would help women understand the demons they faced that contributed to their living double lives until they came to terms with themselves.

I wanted to do this because when women experience this myriad of confusion, hearing how this happens can sometimes give us understanding that can lead to our healing. It wasn’t intended to make you feel better about your situation, but rather more aware of what some men go through in their own struggles.

I had a large response to this newsletter with various points of view, some of which with their permission I have reprinted to share with you. Some women really appreciated reading the words of these men because it gave them a better understanding of how their husbands were thinking. But others were angry because they felt the men were trying to “justify” their behavior. I viewed it not as a “justification,” but rather as an “explanation.” I am a very understanding woman whose heart hurts for men going through this nightmare. However, that being said, I will never justify the misbehavior of their cheating on their wives emotionally or sexually during the marriage.

I’ve said this numerous times before. Homosexuality is not about “infidelity”—it’s about “sexuality.” It’s about a man posing to be a straight man and living in a straight world while being a homosexual man and making his wife feel inadequate because she is a woman. Here are some points that I want to reiterate.

1. Nothing makes me feel angrier than when gay men tell their wives, “It takes two to make a marriage fail.” No, it takes one—one gay man living in a marriage to a straight woman where he doesn’t belong. That’s a fact—not an opinion. No matter how “nice” some of these guys can be, they aren’t into you because you are a woman. They may cuddle with you, hug you, even perform sex with you, and love you on some level, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want a man to have sex with over making love with you. No woman should have to feel that she has to compete with a man for a man’s love. First, she can’t compete; second, she can’t compete. I thought I would restate that for you in case you didn’t hear me loud enough the first time!

2. Most married gay men look for reasons to blame their wives for their unhappiness. Although the wife is the cause of the unhappiness, it’s not because she’s a wife—it’s because she’s a woman. They try criticizing, controlling, and micro-managing the marriage to make you think that what’s wrong is your fault, but that’s because they are miserable living within their own lies. Rather than accept responsibility, it’s so much easier to blame you for their unhappiness. How many of our women tell me the same thing my ex-husband used to tell me—he felt “trapped.” I used to feel like an ogre expecting my husband to do what a husband should do—want to spend time building a life with me and making love with me. Yep, that was trapping him, right? There is only so much belittling that women can take before they start to believe there is something wrong with them—and so they stop asking and stop expecting. This creates a loss of self-esteem and sexual esteem. No man should be allowed to do that to a woman on a continuous basis, year in and year out. Who is really “trapped” here? The man is leading his life “outside” the marriage while the woman is truly trapped by her own insecurities and feelings of failure.

3. There are no easy ways to end a marriage. If I hear one more man tell his wife to “get over it” because she’s had six weeks or six months to come to terms with it, I’ll get really angry. A man has his whole life to deal with who he is. He spends years in denial and living a double life because he can’t accept who he is. So now that he has come to terms with himself, we’re supposed to move at the speed of light to just accept that everything we thought we had in our marriage is now gone. Guys, give me a break. It took you years to accept you—don’t expect us to “get over it” in record time so you can enjoy your new life. It isn’t going to work that way. So many of our women still love their husbands when they lose them. They have spent years loving these men. Even when they know the marriage has to end, it doesn’t mean they can turn on and off the love.

4. What hurts so much is the betrayal. I think that if a husband was honest with his wife before he acted on his homosexuality, she could deal with the situation so much better. But in almost all cases, men (even the nicest ones) are out there playing while they are married. I have heard from hundreds of members of this support network who have STD’s brought home to them by their unfaithful husbands who had no consideration about infecting their wives. As I always say, no man has a choice in being gay—but he does have a choice in being honest. The honesty should come before the husband decides to go out there and do his thing. That would be the right thing to do.

So guys, if I hurt your feelings, I’m sorry. But you know me—I have to say it as I see it and have seen it for nearly 30 years. But I’m always happy to listen and share, so continue to send in your letters and I’ll continue to share them with our women in hopes of creating a better awareness and understanding.
Here are some letters from the last two months:

Dear Bonnie,

7 months ago, I sent you this:

"Dear Bonnie, my new good friend:

Please, please add me to your newsletter at this address, and let me know how I can get your book, "Straight Wives, Shatter Lives." This is so how I feel.

My 52nd birthday was October 29th. A few minutes past midnight on the 30th, my entire world was rocked by concrete proof of my husband's infidelity, and life "in the closet." He inadvertently left his email open, and I got the shock of my life. I printed out several of his emails (I had the presence of mind to realize I might need proof); I also figured out his password, since he uses the same one for everything. Funny enough, he has yelled at me because I vary passwords; he told me to keep the same one. Little did he know that that would provide me easy access; also ammunition, in case I have to take him to court. I don't like this hard side of me; it's almost as unknown as the man I found in those emails. He's been doing this for a year. How could I not have known?

I found emails setting up "dates" -- when he should have been looking for a second job. I work about 50 (sometimes, up to 80 hours) a week. He's been complaining about "doing everything", while playing with other men. I found pictures he's sent to other men "displaying his wares" -- I wouldn't brag if I were him. But, apparently, he's had takers.

I have been married for 24 years, with him for 31. I feel so betrayed and angry, frightened to death of the future, in mourning for my future life I envisioned -- I burst into tears without warning, am hanging on only with the support of my friends and my children, who, interestingly enough, have told me for years that "you know, Daddy's gay." Their friends (and some of mine) have said to me since this "you have such great 'gay-dar': how have you missed it?" I honestly had no idea. I feel like the biggest fool.

I look back over 31 years, and think that there were warning signs I missed -- I thought the worst thing to happen to me was incest as a child, then teenager. I was wrong. That was a walk on the beach compared to the misery that my marriage has become, more increasingly over the past 10+ years. I have wracked my brain and my soul over these years, trying to figure out why I am so miserable a failure as a wife, why I can't do anything right, walking on constant eggshells, afraid to "upset" him. This sets him off in a verbally denigrating, berating diatribe of my failures; he's blamed me for everything from the condition of the house to the "turning against him" of our children. Thankfully, our children are now 18 and 20, so custody issues are nonexistent.

He is extremely self-righteous about attending Mass -- interestingly enough, he apparently has hidden his sexual proclivities from everyone. I am harboring feelings of vengeance; I want to out him to the congregation: my Scorpio is hard to override in this.

I am in the process of obtaining a formal separation agreement from my lawyer (also one of my friends), and I want to be able to have all of the facts at my disposal before I sit him down. It won't be pretty. He will probably blame me, as always, and become vindictive. It is killing me to make him leave, but I see no way of salvaging this relationship. By entertaining men, he has also given me HSV 1 and 2, and that is unforgiveable. My children have told me "you deserve someone who will treat you right", so I know they are very supportive.

I do have outside interests -- my community theater involvement is my passion. He directly blames my involvement in this as a reason for our relationship to suffer "your theater has come between us". It is my relationship with my theater friends that is saving my life. I also have a good career as a nurse manager that has provided me a support network at work as well.

Thank you, thank you for being here. For the first time since I discovered the horror that my marriage and life has become, I am starting to feel hopeful about an "after life." I still feel that my chances for a romantic afterlife are just about nil.

I apologize for the length of this -- but I am so grateful that I am not alone. Bless you.
Sincerely, Theresa"

June 14, 2009
That was November 15, 2008. Hard to believe it's been 7 months since that letter -- so much in my life has changed. I'm writing back to you to let you know how GOOD life is now. If you want to share any of this in your newsletter, by all means, please do -- maybe it will help other wives of gay men.

As you know, I found out October 30th. All the details are above; I kept my secret through Thanksgiving (fortunately, it was a small dinner). I made it through Christmas (I had a hysterectomy on December 18th -- my children were with me, and my mother came to help out and stayed almost to the New Year. This helped, since they all knew the truth (how we all kept it a secret, I really don't know!) Christmas was awful as was New Year's Eve (I went out with friends, since he had to work -- a small blessing).

Every time I looked at him, all I could think of was, "You lying bastard. How can you go on like you're so innocent? Don't you feel any guilt? You son of a bitch!" It took all the strength I had not to tell him right out. I was working on my separation and property settlement agreement, and I wanted to have all of my pieces in place before I confronted him. For three months, I kept my silence. At times, I thought it would kill me. Every breath I took was painful – I had panic attacks at night, waking up gasping. He slept blissfully through it all. The first month I was devastated, the second angry and the third putting the final touches on my planning. I had to be so careful; losing his income had to be taken into account seriously; our daughter (age 18) was still living at home and in school. I had to consider more than myself; unlike my husband, who was willing to throw it all away.

Finally, finally, on February 1, 2009 at 2 pm, I walked in my front door and said "We need to talk". He snidely said "about what?" I told him to join me at the table by the door (he had been escalating in his anger, and I wasn't sure how he would react). I said "I know what you've been doing and I want a divorce." He then said, "I do, too." My reply? "Then let's talk business." I had the separation agreement in my hand all ready to sign (if he would; my best friend is a notary, and was waiting down the street with her stamp, just in case he agreed to sign the papers.) When I confronted him about his being "gay" -- I asked him if he knew he was gay when he married me and he said no. He also waffled over being "gay" -- "I guess I am". He also said to me, "I guess you've been screwing around" -- I told him "actually, I haven't. I've been faithful for 31 years; but apparently you haven't. Get yourself tested -- you gave me herpes." His response, "Oh." Oh, indeed. When I asked him whatever made him think that cheating on me was ok, he said "I wasn't getting it from you." Us women know that sex, for us, begins in the mind, by the way we're treated and made to feel, long before the actual physical act begins; he was clueless. For him "it was just sex; us men can do that." I told him, "So can women, but I honored my vows." He also told me that "I don't have any guilt about what I've been doing - you deserve everything you got" -- I was incredulous -- "including herpes?!" "Yeah, everything." I looked at him and, in that moment, knew why women killed their husbands. Fortunately, I had already decided that I was worth 100 of him and he wasn't worth the trouble.

By 2:06, I called my son's friend (who was down the street, ready to protect me; my son was out of state) and said, "no drama, we're reading the agreement." A short time later, all signed and notarized, we were legally separated. I couldn't believe it -- in the end, it was such a simple procedure! All of a sudden, I felt a HUGE burden lift from me, I took a deep breath and said "I'm free!" I left the house with friends and my daughter and went to celebrate, leaving him in the kitchen. Don’t get me wrong; I knew it was partially relief that it was out in the open, but after so many months of pain and fear, the relief was welcome.

We moved him out twelve days later (he was supposed to leave twenty days later, but he started ransacking the house every time I left, so I threw him out). It was ugly, hostile and nearly violent; it also removed any hope I had had of remaining friends or, at least, being civil to each other. Sadly, my children were with me. They knew, somehow, who he really was; I never saw it (or wouldn’t see it). As much as I was grateful for their support, it saddened me that they had to see the awful end to what had been so good long ago. My husband had been at odds with my son for years; my son told me that he kept his peace for me; my daughter has her own relationship with her father. So ended my former life. The same day he left, I had my son and his friends start to repaint my living room; with that beginning, "Project Refeathering My Nest" has been ongoing; I have been happily industrious and am enjoying the peace in my home and the freedom to rearrange and change my home to suit me and my daughter.

People keep telling me how good I look, how "radiant" and "have you lost weight?" I tell them "yes, I lost 250 lbs. of ugly attitude!" Life is different; sometimes a little harder. I kept the house, so now I've got all of the responsibilities to deal with alone. But I am so much happier now. Yes, I do miss being part of a couple and the husband I married so long ago. May 26th was my 25th wedding anniversary; I went on vacation with my children and celebrated my independence instead of my now defunct marriage. I am loving my freedom and the glory of being free from the critical, belittling and the overall mean and petty, angry man that my husband had become. I am free of the futile, numerous attempts I made to rekindle our intimacy, thinking that if I was better, more open, more accommodating, that he would be more loving and accepting of me. I'm free of the constant battle of trying to bury my needs and trying to fulfill his. Free of never, ever, being "good enough". When I found out about my husband, I was thinking "maybe I can live with this; maybe we can live as friends, maybe ..." I was trying so hard to live with his lie. But, thankfully, I had such wonderful people to support me, as I finally, painfully, decided to end my marriage. But it was the right decision -- of that, I have no doubt.

I’ve read letters from gay men on this website; I’ve read about their pain and uncertainty and all of the rest. Part of me wants to be sympathetic; perhaps I would have been, had I not been lied to and treated so shabbily. Had my husband been truly “a man” and sat me down, truly talked with me and not blamed me for “pushing him” into affairs with men, maybe I wouldn’t have been so shattered when I found out. For all my “failings,” I deserved (as we all do) much more than finding out from email. I’ve wished him dead more than once; the closure would have been much easier and the memories of the good years would have remained untainted. Now, almost every memory of my life with him is shadowed by “when did it start?” “Why didn’t I see the signs?”

This is my advice to anyone still living with this nightmare. Be fair to yourself! Go on those gay/bisexual websites and read those emails. These men are selfish, egocentric and arrogant -- they may not be totally happy with their situation, but they're satisfied to get their needs taken care of, whine about being unhappily married but enjoy all the rest of what "normal" married life is like. They rationalize their behavior to assure themselves that they're OK -- that they're not hurting anyone, that they're still "good husbands", so they have the "right" to do what they're doing. My husband complained constantly, but enjoyed my income. Get out of that hell and go on with your life. Take back the "real you"; not the "married you" you've become so that you can "keep him happy"; "keep the peace", etc. You'll NEVER make him happy! He doesn't want you, but he's too cowardly and self-serving to let you go. He doesn't even care if he brings home an STD and passes it to you -- I'm so angry that I was faithful for over 30 years and STILL got herpes. Their world is a sex-focused, self-serving, man-to-man "bonding" subculture of society that exists. These men are a slow-acting poison, making any relationship with them toxic; they're like leeches draining the life out of the women unfortunate enough to be married to them. They build themselves up, while ruining the very women they vowed "to love, honor and cherish". Cherish? Like hell. Too harsh an indictment? I don't think so.

Bonnie, thank you so much for all that you do. I never thought I would survive the upheaval and pain, but I did. I never thought life could be so good, but it is. I never knew how strong I was until I freed myself from the imprisoning life sentence my marriage had become. Now, I'm even ready to go out and date again, make new friends and maybe find someone who'll appreciate the person I've become. Thank you, thank you for validating the strong, resourceful, valuable "me" that still remained deep inside; I'm joyous to be back, whole, powerful. To my sisters: there truly is a wonderful life waiting for you; it'll be better, because, just being yourself, you will be "enough."

Theresa

Dear Bonnie,
“There is a certain prototype that gay men look for in a wife when there may be problems down the road. That’s why you rarely see a straight wife seeking total revenge on her gay husband. In some cases, it does happen, but for the most part, we are women who love too much, too hard, feel too bad about our husbands’ pain, feel guilty even when our head tells us it has nothing to do with us, and continue to want to protect our husbands even when they are out there and not protecting us. “
Ladies when I read Bonnie’s May newsletter I did not know whether to laugh, scream, or cry so I did all of the above. You see what she said in that quote was so true,. And yes, Gay, it is Gay.

I joined this group two years ago when a man I was madly in love with told me over dinner how he wasn’t gay but his boyfriends are. He was serious! I wish I could have used that line Gay, it is gay to explain to him that when you sleep with men you have won the homosexual Triple Crown. He could not understand why this was not welcome news and why I wanted him out of my life immediately. That lead to the second phase of shock and awe on my part.

The icing on the cake is I went on line to meet someone three months ago after a few years of being shell shock and leery as you can imagine. The site was recommended by a family-oriented morning show and hosts I trust.

The gentleman picked me and we clicked instantly. I corresponded with him for about a month and then had wonderful telephone calls. I could never arrange my schedule to meet him but I finally planned for the Memorial Day weekend to be the time.
Then he dropped the “G” nuclear bomb the night before I was supposed to meet him in person. First he asked if I had ever been with a woman, At that point my radar kicked in because the one two years ago accused me of being gay when I suggested one night after dinner that we go to a “gay” area for coffee. Hell, neither of us had a car and it was the only place Metro accessible. I asked him if he was gay in return and he acted as if I asked him if he ate his young.

Back to the future, Internet lover then said he slept with men! I gave him points for honesty but the room rocked.

I did not handle it well with the first gentleman two years ago—I cursed him vigorously for about half a mile as we walked home from the restaurant.
Obviously the professional counseling degree and church reconciliation classes are kicking in. I told him I was not going to judge him for what he did in the past because it was not my right. I decided to try to talk him down from the heterosexual ledge and encourage him to embrace his true sexuality like I did with the first one.
He is from a culture where this is taboo and anathema. His mother is in town from overseas and I began to think I was in an Indian version of “The Wedding Banquet,” the film where the gay man marries a woman to avoid telling his parents he is gay. As if parents don’t have eyes to see and ears to hear. Momma probably knows.
In any event, he retracted it later and said he only said it because he wanted to see if I would sleep with him if he said he slept with other men. I suppose he forgot that he had also asked me if I would be interested in a ménage a trios with another man. Ladies, this is not what I call courtship behavior of a straight man!

Gay is not an aphrodisiac for straight women.
It was late at night and he works on Wall Street, so he must have been at happy hour too long and short term memory was impaired. Mine wasn’t. I remembered what he said. Counseling classes teach you to attend. Okay, this is denial taken to a dangerously deep level!

On a positive note, I can see how this group and the support of others have helped me. I am not devastated as I was before and I did not lose my religion by calling him out of his family name. I simply said Adios
I was trying to figure out what I did to attract another one of these mentally disassociated people when this Newsletter came in the mail.
So thank you Bonnie. I see that I am a woman who is too kind, too compassionate, too loving, and too forgiving. In other words, they seek the best women for the worst treatment.

Oh, and guess what internet guy. You are gay, it’s gay!
Anon.

Hi Bonnie,

Your June newsletter somehow seemed rather sugar coated to me.

Most of us did not have these experiences, and I believe some of these men are skipping over a very important part of "their process"--like the truth. The man who had sex with many men before he married his wife -- did he inform her of this before the marriage or did this part of the truth not seem important to him? Did he even consider that she deserved that "little bit of truth"? No. He just married her to fit in. She never had the chance to choose whether she wanted to marry a man who liked having sex with men. It was his decision to lead her blindly into this "marriage." I have no sympathy for him.

Also, I feel many of these men are skipping over the cheating during the marriage. I think they see it as "being true to themselves" and not as cheating on their wives, not to mention that they potentially exposed their wives to life threatening sexual transmitted diseases.
Sorry, I just found it really hard to read these sugar coated stories. Too much of the woman's pain was ignored. But, too many times, that is par for the course as far as they are concerned. It's all about the poor gay man, while the wife is left to pick up the pieces of her life.

And so it goes...

J.
Dear Bonnie,
I read this month’s letter but what about the women like me who were tricked by a man into a gay marriage in which he knew exactly who he was and what kind of a life I was in for? My husband withdrew all sex and affection beginning on the honeymoon and had a regular sex life with men throughout the marriage. He used me as a beard and to improve his standard of living there was no love on his side it was a con job. I was wife number five. He spent the whole marriage trying to convince me that the life we led of no sex or affection was normal, that I was unworthy of love and it was unreasonable of me to expect him to want to have sex with me or show me affection since I was such a bad person. Once when I asked him about his refusal to have a normal relationship with me he said that if I gave him complete access to all of my money he might feel like having sex with me. This man nearly destroyed me. I would like to hear more abut this kind of predator.
Thanks
Marilyn

Dear Bonnie,
I had thought I was dealing with what happened to me, until I read the self justification of gay husbands in your June newsletter.

I truly believe that no one has a choice about whether they are gay - that this is somehow built in and cannot be changed or altered. But everyone does have a choice about how they live their lives, and the same standards of decency and honesty apply to gays as well as straights. No one has a right to harm others and then whine about how they can't help it. No one has the right to cheat and lie and steal years of a woman's life, then wring his hands and whimper about his pain. Was your pain great enough to make you change your life? MINE WAS!

Kay A.

BTW, Kay lives in Sioux City, South Dakota. If there are any other women in this area who would like to get together for support, please let me know and I’ll refer you to Kay.

Bonnie,
That was very interesting, but somewhat hard to read. It is only hard because I still don't know if my husband is in denial or not. I am weighing my options anyway because he is not good at loving me and the girls in the way we need (because sometimes I feel like he uses our marriage problems to be less of a dad at times...like when he's out of town for work and doesn't call for days or weeks or is unaccountable by not answering our calls...he has told me he doesn't want to call because he doesn't want to talk to me...this is just stuff from the past....he's been around a lot and better at this when he has been away, yet his job is ready to take him away a lot again).

So I am planning. I have finally come to a point that I’ve realized my love is not enough for both of us. (oh, he says he loves me and shows it in his own ways...yet at the same time he is so hurtful and negative about me....). maybe it helps that i had to do the same with my mom a few years back because she is a lot like him....cares more about being right than anything else. He has so much anger, i don't know where it comes from.

I still don't feel like there is any excuse to lie. I feel like even if a man has lied 399 times, then start telling the truth the 400th time. The past lies don't make it okay the next time. The man can never start to gain respect from his wife and children unless he starts somewhere. I’m not saying it would be easy at first and I wouldn’t react or get cold toward him. But the sooner he told the truth, the sooner I could go through the cycles of loss and just get to a better place. Right now i just have intense loneliness. I know things are not right. My heart aches....he has hurt me so many times worse than any break up I’ve ever had in my dating years. This is the father of my children and his lack of love and intimacy and acceptance hurts me to the core. Sometimes I have wailed (how else can I say it...it is a cry of agony that comes from pain so deep inside...a mother's cry for a child lost or in trouble)...all alone because his actions and words are so heartless and just break me down (and I cry for my children, their father that I chose, me...their
mother, and this family. This hurts way worse because of my desires and hopes for my girls...and I feel like he's cheating them when he cheats me.)

This hurt is also from the lack of support he gives me as a person....I don't want only the financial; I want him to want to take care of me as a man could. Believe me it's the last thing I want to hear that he's gay. But this little feeling I always get that he might be is so much more painful. If I knew this were the reason he isn't loving and intimate towards me in the way I know exists....then it would give a reason for everything. It's not what I want...but it's just like someone avoiding going to the doctor's when they know they are dying...they can feel it and/or they can see the signs, yet it doesn't change that they need to face it. They can't stop themselves from dying by denying it's happening.

I am making plans to put myself first so I can show my girls how strong I am and how much I love them and that being a woman doesn't have to be demeaning....not because he's told me the truth, but because I have just hit that point where he can't do this to me anymore. I don't want our girls to think of me as I am in this relationship. I’m tired of being labeled as if I’m one with him....like I’m just as sick and hateful....like I just "love fighting" as he puts it. I feel darned if I do and darned if I don't with him. I’ve reached the point I’m going to stop fighting for us...because it is useless. I’m done talking, and I’m done caring. I’m done trying to explain my feelings to him in millions of different ways in hopes of him "getting it."

I’m done initiating sex (it finally got past the begging stage...not sure if he's just doing that to pacify me.) I do love him as only a wife of this long could, but I’m realizing that it's okay to love him, and still put myself and therefore my girls first and just take care of us. I’ve tried to work on this marriage, it seemed to get better, but it really never will.

If he never tells me the truth and I find out some other way...which I will...the truth almost always comes out eventually....I don't think I could ever go through those cycles of loss and begin to find acceptance. Because I would always know that he was not a man to tell the truth to me and for the girls. I would know that, as usual, he put his own need to avoid personal pain or reactions from others over being man enough and caring enough to put us first. As one of your gay ex-husbands said in the letter....the only way to be a role model to his kids was to start being true to himself. The lies in the past will not be made right, yet he is being a person of honor from that day forward. And that would be a start.

And I know there's a possibility he may not be gay...he may just be a confused soul who is selfish and not good for me. It is not enough to have somebody love me only to pacify me. That is not what I have given, and I’m ready to open my heart up to friends and loved ones who are more like me. When my time is being eaten away by a user, I am passing by true love and friendship, the kind we all need to get us through and make the burdens of life a little more bearable!

I can never forgive him unless we start moving forward, someway...making changes....honesty...which i know i may never get...so I have to make my own life.

One more thing....I don't think he cares that I’ve had this pain...not one bit. He knows about the tip of the iceberg of the pain he's caused. And he makes it clear that I’m just playing the world's tiniest violin. He makes it impossible for me to ever even touch on just how I feel. I know that's defensiveness because of his shame and he has a hard time wanting to deal with how his actions have affected other people. which is funny how his actions always end up affecting me and the girls the hardest...yet he's always so busy worrying about his own self inflicted wounds.

Mother and human being with value."

Well ladies, thanks for sharing your feedback. Please feel free to respond to any of our letters or issues. If you would like to have your letter republished, I will contact you and you can sign it however you like.
Have a good month!

With love and hope,
Bonnie